Sassy by name, Sassy by nature, I write to explode the myths which surround the lapdancing profession - standing up for the clubs, the girls and the customers. Its not always drinking champagne and playing with my tits - it can be hassle, hustling and hangovers. At heart I'm just a regular twenty-something posh cockney living in London who likes taking her clothes off...
Possibly the most important skill in a lapdancer’s arsenal, or possibly the most over-rated.
Lapdancing = dancing whilst removing items of clothing, usually with at least one person watching.
It’s the stuff of nightmares for many, but for born exhibitionists like me, it’s the stuff of dreams…
But how do you strip like an exotic dancer? Here are some tips on giving a lapdance
- Eye contact Look deeply into the eyes of your audience. Wink a little, flirt coquettishly with fluttering lashes. Single one man out and look directly at him. Make them feel like they are the only man, woman, or perve in the room. Back away a little if you please, so he can see all of you, and look back into those beautiful baby blues. But please remember this isn’t a staring match, so don’t freak onlookers out with a beady eyed stare of death….
- Bent knees Keeping your knees bent is crucial when giving a lapdance, as it brings your jiggling booty to his crotch ie: you are on his lap. It also makes your bottom stick out more, increases the freedom of movement, and hell, you can always just pretend you are at Carnival.
- Forget the fastenings Don’t sweat the bra-straps, zips, knicker elastics and ribbon ties of this world. Yes, they will get caught, stuck, and prove damn fiddly just when you least expect it. If you can, ask your audience for help – most will be happy to oblige, and it will create a rapport and waste time (hurrah!) Or else flop a breast out, shove your tits in his face, and whilst he is distracted, you are free to sort the offending fastening out.
- Breathe, Smile, Think SEX! It will show in your lapdance if you are fantasising about Brad Pitt going down on you whilst you are fed chocolate covered strawberries by Orlando Bloom. If you want to dance sexy, you have to think sexy. And please don’t get so nervous that you stop breathing, begin to shake and burst into tears. I’ve seen it happen with the new girls. Just think Hollywood heart throb, and not ‘does he like me, how big is my bum?’
- Slow Down… Slow, sensual movements are great. Pretend the chair is an ardous mountain, not a jungle-monkey climbing frame. Go slowly, not jerky. (unless we are talking bum wiggling, in which case you can go like the clappers!)
So, I hope you like my top 5 tips for giving a guy a lapdance. Follow these tips and you could be wearing a binbag and he’ll like it. Aww, bless. Men. They can be so simple sometimes, hey?