Recommended by your doctor: a regular lap dance


Ok, it isn’t really, but I’ve been saying it for ever and I half-mean it.

Regular striptease…keeps the doctor away like the proverbial apple?

But leaving aside the wellness benefits of regular erotic entertainment, the lap dance has a special role. A great lap dance is a thing, in and of itself, alongside its big sisters like wanking and spanking and…well (you get the picture).

Common misperceptions

‘It will just wind me up!’ ‘What’s the point if I can’t touch?’ ‘I’d rather have the real thing!’

Most strippers have heard these responses from customers who are new to the strip-club environment.

But they are just the uninitiated misunderstandings of someone who hasn’t seen the hot, red-pink light.

Not saying that you need to have endless lap dances in your life: they are something to be savoured. And there’s no point in losing the shirt on your back in your pursuit of them.

Luscious lap dances

So yes, a good lap dance is a beautiful thing. It might not play the role it once played in society before the internet, before Tinder, before sex was as high-street, prime-time, as it is today. But it still has its place.

Most everyone has had that moment of sharing a smile or a joke with a stranger in passing. Doesn’t mean you guys need to get married, or even have a long conversation. But you have that moment of connection in an otherwise often humdrum world.

A lap dance can be just like that, especially with a new customer.

The customer sits down with that air of expectation because they don’t know what kind of dancer you are.

And when you are in the stripper zone you can tune into their energy and take them on a sensual journey both visually, energetically and imaginatively. Before a single item of clothes has been taken off.

And then when it’s finished you have both had your minds just a little blown. You’ve looked into each other’s eyes and you’ve done everything together in your imagination, but just as each of you prefers it. And hey, no missed-matched expectations, no  STDs, no awkwardness.

It’s its *own thing*

It’s not sex, it’s not porn, it’s something different to savour. And you can’t touch? The no-touching thing can make it even hotter.  Because delayed gratification often trumps instant gratification. And let’s face it, actual random sex with a random stranger isn’t always amazing in itself above and beyond the thrill of the unexpected and new. It’s certainly not how it is portrayed in the porno-sphere.

So yes, it will wind you up, but just a little. And those that are practiced in sex know the value of being able to control sexual energy. And it’s either one to jet-fuel that trip to the wank-bank, or to add a little something that your lovely partner will benefit from when you see them, later on.

Rules: They might seem antiquated but they help make it unique

And there is something refreshingly intimate being in a space where no phones are allowed, so there is no stop-and-snap-a-selfie, there is only being in the club and in the moment.

You’d rather have the real thing? Sure and you will, but it will be enhanced by this little boost  you’ve had. You’ve got Adultwork or Tinder or your current playmate for that.

And by the way, if you really wanted the real thing right now, why are you in the strip club right now anyway?


Hello sexy, I’m Helena and the Fabulous Miss Sassy is letting me borrow her space for a minute to get a few things off my 34 B chest. Stripper squeezes to you X 

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