Sassy by name, Sassy by nature, I write to explode the myths which surround the lapdancing profession - standing up for the clubs, the girls and the customers. Its not always drinking champagne and playing with my tits - it can be hassle, hustling and hangovers. At heart I'm just a regular twenty-something posh cockney living in London who likes taking her clothes off...
It was the typical blustery British Sunday when I arrived at the Miss Pole Dance 2013 UK Finals only to find the entire theatre standing outside. Heels and hotpants shivered in the September sun. What was going on? I spoke to a beautiful girl with sequins on her face and glitter in her hair.
“The fire alarm went off – just as we were about to start the women’s singles.”
I listened as she described how standing outside was helping with the nerves, as backstage had been frantic all day. With almost 30 men and women competing in singles and doubles events, it wasn’t hard to see why.
The Brits, however, deem with hiccups particularly well. There was barely enough time for a gin and tonic before we were ushered into our seats and the show went on. Miss Pole Dance has been held in the UK since 2005 and has since been growing from strength to strength, with competitions previously held in Newquay and Brighton. This was the first year it was held in Hawley, and the large theatre meant that it was well worth my journey outside the M25! (For the un-initiated, the M25 is the ringroad around London, a bubble which I rarely seem to leave).
The ladies singles opened with a Lion King inspired routine, as a girl in leopard print slapped her thighs and tribal danced to a booming drum beat. It certainly warmed up the stage after the cold outside! All the dancers got really stuck into utilising the two poles – a fixed static pole and a spinning pole.
The routines were as varied as the competitors themselves. A theatrical tango piece by Heather Walker used her frilled skirt and expressive face to full effect. ‘The Lotus Flower’ by Rose Alisa was so ethereally beautiful that I couldn’t write any notes – I gaped open-mouthed as she made each stretch and split seem so effortless. Her ten years of experience certainly shone through.
I’d come to support Felicity Logan, a Scottish dancer with an appetite for contortion and strong powerful moves. Here’s a cute video of her training at home….
As you can see she is ridiculously bendy, her powerful thighs hiding the bones made of rubber inside. She is one of my favourite dancers simply because she is one of the most powerful women I’ve ever met – you can’t hide from talent like that! Her routine for Miss Pole Dance was set to Kylie’s ‘Confide in Me’, and as a futuristic vision in gold strode out I knew it would be another award-winner. She ended placing second, the same as last year, as well as winning Best Tricks and Best Costume. Go girl!!!
The eventual winner was a well-deserved Lorna Thomas, who skimmed it with just one point more! After apologising for a recently broken toe during the introduction I was expecting an easy-ish routine, so was flabbergasted to see so many tricks in a theatrical performance set to a live guitar accompaniment. Whilst you check it out, look carefully at her bandaged foot and how she artfully compensates…
The Miss Pole Dance World Championships is being held in the same theatre next February, and I can’t wait to make the trip up to see the bendiest, sexiest and naturally the sassiest dancers from around the globe strutting their stuff up and down the pole.
Here’s the results folks! Thanks to the organisers whose website is here; http://www.misspoledance-uk.com
Mr Pole Fitness UK 2013
1st – Dan Rosen score 86.5
2nd – Ian Matthews score 78.5
Best Tricks – Mr Strong – Dan Rosen
Best Entertainer – Sam King
Best Costume – Ian Matthews
Miss Pole Dance UK 2013
1st – Charlotte Robertson & Steph K Foster score 149
2nd – Kristina Walker & Heather Walker score 139
3rd – Deborah Richards & Suzanne Potter score 132
Best Tricks – Charlotte Robertson & Steph K Foster
Best Entertainer – Kat Humphrey & David Bailey
Best Costume – Charlotte Robertson & Steph K Foster
Miss Pole Dance UK 2013
1st – Lorna Thomas score 149
2nd – Felicity Logan score 148
3rd – Yvette Austin score 141
Kristina Walker 140
Kirsty Griffiths 138.5
Charlotte Robertson 138
Amy Williams 132.5
Steph K Foster 128
Sophie Geldard 126.5
Heather Walker 121.5
Penny Howarth 120.5
Hannah Kaynes 118.5
Lisa Williams (Rose-Alisa) 116
Katherine White 107.5
Best Tricks – Felicity Logan
Best Entertainer – Amy Williams
Best Costume – Felicity Logan
Mighty Grip – People’s Choice Award
Doubles Winners – Kat Humphrey & David Bailey
Next year’s date has already been set
At – Hawth Theatre – www.hawth.co.uk