Is too much ‘fake’ good…or bad?



I just found your blog a few days ago when I googled “how be become a stripper in London”. I’ve gone through pretty much all of your blog posts they are so funny and honest, it’s been really helpful getting a real perspective on being a stripper. You see I’ve been living in London for a few years now (I’m from Sweden originally) and I’ve been wanting to strip for as long as I can remember, I’m just completely fascinated by it. BUT the thing is I’m sort of a shy person and I just never had the courage to go in and audition anywhere..:( I read your advice post and I got a lot of useful info THANKS 🙂 

I do have some questions though.. Like how do you pick your stripper name? Can I use my real name or is that a bad idea, most girls use a fake one right? I was also wondering about the fake tan, I have never use it before and my skin is sort of pale and freckly. I’m scared it will look unnatural and orange.. Which one should I buy that will look good one me? My tits are fake is that a good or a bad thing? I know a lot of men who say that’s a turn off.. They look pretty natural tho I think (wow just realized all my questions involve the word ‘fake’ :P) And finally what should I wear to audition? I don’t have any ‘stripper type’ clothes or lingerie, where would I go to buy that? Also do you audition on stage or to give someone a lapdance? I would have no idea what do do with a pole…:) Maybe I should practice.. haha I’m sooo nervous but I want it so bad!! I guess I’m a secret exhibitionist.

Sorry for all the questions but I have no one else to ask. I’ll be sure to check out your ‘how to page’.



Miss freckles



Dear miss freckles,

What a lovely email! I’m really glad you like my blog – I can’t believe you read so much of it!

Your worries are understandable – I was also worried about the weird habits and practices I thought you needed to be a dancer when I first started, so many many moons ago… But is too much fake good, bad or is it all a necessary part of the job? So here we go;

Stage name or real name? I would always say a stage name as it is industry standard.  For a while I used the ritzy sounding Roxy but after getting too many men saying “yeah, but what’s your real name?” I began using my middle name instead.  In my novel (see the stories section of my website) the main character is called ‘Lucy’ but uses the stage name ‘LuLu’.  Both monikers are similar enough so that she will always respond in a natural manner.  Finally, the decision may not be yours – at a club every girl needs a unique and individual name so that the DJ can announce her on stage.  When you audition, they will check the name you want against a list of the girls already working there – I’ve stood there and suggested four or five different names till I found a unique one!

Fake tan or freckles?  Whatever makes you feel beautiful.  There will be a lot of skin on show under bright coloured spotlights when you are on stage, so any shade will do, as long as the skin looks sleek and glossy.  Many body lotions have light refracting particles in them, such as Nivea glow, or Palmer’s Coco butter – I used to alternate between my natural paler skin and fake, as long as I didn’t look pasty or scaly I felt sexy.  On a side note, a quick dab of Rimmel Sun Shimmer on a flabby tummy – white,tan or black skin alike – will work wonders – you don’t need to fake everywhere to get a good effect!

Are fake tits good or bad?  All breasts are good! Come on, it’s tits – soft and squidgy and round with perky nipples – I estimated once that in my dancing career I felt maybe 500 pairs of my co-workers breasts and saw many, many more!  When you ask a man a yes or no question he’ll probably say the 1st thing that comes into his mind, but when presented with the real thing – plastically enhanced or not – any man who isn’t an idiot will break into a huge smile.  Flaunt what you have, and remember that your body is only as sexy as how you feel inside….

Audition panic  What to wear? Ahh, the age old agony of being a woman.  Look at my ‘how to’ page for advice on choosing the right outfits and auditioning.  They usually stipulate a ‘long dress’ which is basically a slinky number with revealing cutouts and slits.  Go online or try TK Maxx or Jane Norman for a last-minute shopping dash.  I’m going to produce a map with dancer attire locations for London so keep an eye out!   Auditions are ALWAYS done on a stage, sometimes when the club is open, sometimes when it is shut – but there should always be several staff present and isn’t pervy – generally you don’t even dance for a full song as the manager has other jobs to do.  The ‘how to’ section in this website has some more advice and regularly updated articles, so take a look!

Good luck miss freckles!


xx S



About author


Sassy by name, Sassy by nature, I write to explode the myths which surround the lapdancing profession - standing up for the clubs, the girls and the customers. Its not always drinking champagne and playing with my tits - it can be hassle, hustling and hangovers. At heart I'm just a regular twenty-something posh cockney living in London who likes taking her clothes off...

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