Sassy by name, Sassy by nature, I write to explode the myths which surround the lapdancing profession - standing up for the clubs, the girls and the customers. Its not always drinking champagne and playing with my tits - it can be hassle, hustling and hangovers. At heart I'm just a regular twenty-something posh cockney living in London who likes taking her clothes off...
The Glamazon’s AKA The Brazilian Stripper – lean, sleek, glam. As a stripper stereotype, they have been on the rise in the last few years as the sexy women of Brazil have been put on the map as more than just a girl from Ipanema. Nowadays, you will find several girls from Brazil in any stripclub you care to visit, and boy were they born to do it.
The average Brazilian lapdancer has several things going for her. Firstly, she can move. Brazilians can shake their arse like no-one else, having practised since birth doing the salsa, meringue and rumba at carnivals up and down the country. Their booty shaking is an art form, as it doesn’t just wobble and spill – it undulates rhythmically, matched by a beautifully still, curved S-shape back. It’s mesmerising to watch, especially when said bottom is draped around a pole with brightly coloured strobes playing across her curves.
Ah, those curves! Curves of some shape or form are pretty much a pre-requisite for a stripper, and the Brazilians have beautifully pronounced bodies. The arse is big, the tits are big, the lips are big. Brazil is one of the world’s top countries in the world for plastic surgery, and it’s de-rigeur for a woman to have several enhancement op’s. I know one Glamazon who has had 4 or 5 plastic surgery procedures already, and she is only 19 years old. Even better, many of the operations seem to have been designed with taking your clothes off in mind. Take the bottom enhancement, or ‘bum-job’. Basically a boob-job for your arse, silicon implants are inserted into your cheeks to give it a nice, rounded look. Your bottom will forever be perky and will look great in jeans. However, many Brazilian girls have had this procedure whilst cultivating a tiny waist and super lean body, which means that their bottom looks a little boxy – less curvy, more like a shelf to rest your beer on. Or perhaps they double-up as a great cocktail shaker?
Brazilian Glamazons always have amazing manes of hair, like a superhero. It’s thick, glossy and black, and in fantastic condition because Brazil invented the Brazilian blowdry and statistically has more beauty and hair products than Imelda Marcos had shoes. Naturally, this is hair on the head, as the rest of them are hairless and waxed as smooth as a baby’s bum save a tiny landing strip nestling above their (surgically enhanced) designer vagina.
Brazilian lapdances are a trend that is set to rise as it’s a funny trueism of lapdancer immigration that where one girl goes, her sister’s follow (literally in many cases). Like the Eastern European stripper demographic, they travel in packs, work in packs, and can magically break off from loud, incessant chatter in their native tongues to swoop on the nearest approaching customer. Still, I do love the Glamazon’s – the Brazilians are such a friendly, uplifting bunch and can really get a stripclub going with that carnival party atmosphere. Now where’s my mojito?