My 2012 New Year’s Stripper Resolutions

New Year 2012 – auspicious to all, special to Londoner’s.
Resolution’s – when one makes a series of promises to oneself, in order that they can become a better person.

I have two sets of new Year’s resolutions this year.  Real life and Lap-dancer life.  Guess which life these are for;

    1. flexibility!   I feel like a creaking, crunking, calamity-waiting-to-happen.  I totally ignored any fitness regime last winter, figuring that if I danced enough shifts in the run-up to Christmas I’d stay in shape.  Of course I did – my tummy stayed nice and flat, and the orange peel stayed on the log fire, not my thighs.  But it does mean that you are only flexing certain parts, so they get tired, whilst the rest of you seizes up.  Sure I am a teeny weeny size 8, but I can’t touch my toes anymore or spread my legs wide enough to look like I’m showing off.  I’m going to hit yoga until I can once again lick my own leg.  Lick it!
    2. Whiten those teeth!  For an English chick, my teeth aren’t too bad.  Year’s of wearing traintracks in high school have left them nice and straight.  But the years since then haven’t been quite so kind.  I smoke (especially when pissed), I’ve been on more 3 day benders than I can possibly remember, & I have a 5 bottles a week red wine habit. My pearly-whites ain’t so pearly anymore.  I need to channel the Pearl-ay Queen’s orf Sarf n East End Lunden, innit, for super shiny gnasher’s.  This is the year when I bleach my teeth as well as my hair….
thanks to adrian, acediscovery at Flickr
                 3.  Hustle 4 times a week.  I’m a pretty lazy lapdancer.  I prefer to call myself chilled out, hippy child, eschewing the rat race.  But essentially my daily routine boils down to – “shall I go into work tonight – or not?”   So even a 4 night week can be difficult sometimes.  Consider the maths.  I go in on Monday & Tuesday, full of good intentions.  But getting home at 6am tires me out, I’m hungover to shit, so I take Wednesday off.  Thursday I wake up sober and full of beans, so run lots of errands, then eat a fat dinner, then pass out till it’s too late.  A stripper in London needs to be getting ready and eating dinner by 7pm, so she can leave the house at 8.  As a general rule, most clubs like you in the changing room by 8:30, perhaps 9, so the house mum can whine endlessly about getting on the floor, so the management will get off her back.  Anyway’s, Friday usually has something going on, Saturday always has something going on, so before you know it a full week has passed and I have done 2 or 3 shifts.  WELL NOT THIS YEAR!!!  I’m sticking to a 4 day week…every week.
              4.   Scribble…..  When I first started this blog, I wasn’t expecting much.  I’d had a blog a few years before – the stripper bride – which had about 3 hits a month.  I’m not surprised, because I moan and rant a lot on the few entires that I have made.  But when I started writing this one, a curious thing happened.  I began to read and write about not only my personal experiences, but on the experiences of lapdancing that I found all around me.  Stripper’s in the media, in books, in fashion – fellow lap dancers and sex workers who were also blogging, being activists, juggling cam shows with university.  It’s a fantastic rich world out there, and I prefer it if these pages aren’t just about me, me, me, and how my day went.  It’s much more fun to explore, to laugh at, to see the absurdity in situations, rather than moan….. so my final resolution as Sassylapdancer is to continue writing, read tons, keep it funny, and make this blog as broad and fascinating as possible.
I’m Sassy, I’m a Londoner, I’m a stripper, and I’m proud to be all three.
P.S.  If I can keep these resolutions going past march, I’ll eat my pants.
About author


Sassy by name, Sassy by nature, I write to explode the myths which surround the lapdancing profession - standing up for the clubs, the girls and the customers. Its not always drinking champagne and playing with my tits - it can be hassle, hustling and hangovers. At heart I'm just a regular twenty-something posh cockney living in London who likes taking her clothes off...

  • Anonymous#1

    January 24, 2012

    Good luck with the New Years Resolutions!

    Side note: I generally find that positive reinforcement is better than negative. If you keep you resolutions past March, you should treat yourself to something special that maybe you otherwise wouldn’t.


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