Dejected & Rejected

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Tonight was such a big knock to my confidence. I walked into the club nice and early with a spring in my step, feeling like a million dollars after the best haircut I’ve had all year.
But I missed out on several chances.
I also put the time in before getting passed over for another blonde.
There were several awards do’s this evening and every stripclub in London was surely filled to the rafters with rich men bursting with party spirit.
I know mine was…
But I missed out, and steadily watched with rising trepidation as VIP booth after VIP booth got filled up with missed chances and their lucky girls. As more dancers got taken off the floor, the number of girls available for stage rotation decreased till the flood turned into a trickle and the same girls – us despondent band of rejects – were called up again and again.
I became one of them.
I couldn’t, and still can’t, believe it.
I felt impotent to the siren call of the DJ. Everytime I stepped onto a podium I could feel myself being dashed onto the rocks, my goodwill and good nature sacrificed in a suicidal mission to make the place look good to the few remaining losers who skulked the floor. The kind of guys who would be hard pushed for a lapdance, let alone 2.

As the night wore on, my shoe leather & patience wearing thinner with every step, I began to get terribly bored and despondent.
I turned from a sassy lapdancer with a brand new ‘do to an unloved and unwanted showpony.
Call me irrational but I’m upset.
Upset at how my high expectations were torn apart so cruelly.
I left as soon as I could tonight and walked the streets of London soaking up the quiet.
Call me irrational but I was upset…
I tore off my fake lashes, falling tears had made the glue unstick. It was easy to rip them off, and it felt good. Like a weird cosmetic self-harm.
I glimpsed my reflection in the shop windows, all dark and closed for business at 3am.
I saw my slim figure, hunched, dwarfed by a bag bulging with so-called sexy gear and lucky pants.
My new blonde locks shined like a beacon under the streetlamps. I felt like tearing the stupid hair out, strand by strand.

I know, I know, you’ll all be calling me irrational now, but I fell so far, and so hard, in just a matter of hours.

Dejected, I walked and walked until I found myself at Trafalgar Square. Grand edifices made of Portland stone and marble rose all around me. I lit a cigarette and cried.
The spray off the lion fountains looked like hot steam in the chilled night air.
I realized a haircut was not a panacea.
I resolved to do better.
I dried my eyes and went home.

There’s always the next time….

About author
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sassy

Sassy by name, Sassy by nature, I write to explode the myths which surround the lapdancing profession - standing up for the clubs, the girls and the customers. Its not always drinking champagne and playing with my tits - it can be hassle, hustling and hangovers. At heart I'm just a regular twenty-something posh cockney living in London who likes taking her clothes off...

Comments
  • Mike#1

    November 18, 2011

    I’m sorry. 🙁 Keep your chin up and get ’em next time. I’m sure you will.

    Reply
  • Charlotte#2

    November 22, 2011

    I comprehend completely! This is one of the reasons I stopped dancing after over 3 years (2 months ago.) I had a good run.
    I feel a little nostalgia as I filter out the nights which made me feel destroyed, I never did have ‘killer instinct’ anyway, which I used to beat myself up about.

    Reply
  • Anonymous#3

    November 25, 2011

    I thought that was a beautifully well written post.

    Reply
  • Anonymous#4

    June 15, 2012

    This was so refreshing to read, I am also a dancer and have been for two years now. The problems we deal with on fellow dancers can understand. But don’t be down! All dancers have this type of night every once in awhile! The thing we have to remember is the pros outweigh the cons (if they didn’t you wouldn’t be doing this right?) and the good nights are far more common than the bad ones. Love your blog girl, I have always wanted to dance in another city (London especially) but I’m too nervous to!! -a sister stripper in California 🙂

    Reply

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